In most of our minds, we have this unrealistic expectation for conflict that goes something like this… Once you hear and understand my point, you will quickly realize the error of your ways. With this newfound understanding, you will fall silent as you immediately begin to plan a new life path reflecting your sincere change of heart. To conclude the argument, you will thank me for illuminating your area of darkness and our relationship will move forward in a better than ever condition. If by some chance, you don’t react as expected, it must be because you clearly didn’t hear and understand my point the first time around. To show my commitment to our relationship, I will reiterate my argument again, only this time with more volume to better facilitate your hearing. While I may have to repeat this process multiple times, I remain convinced that in time you will come around…
Sound familiar? Arguments may be inevitable in a marriage, but they needn’t be ugly. Is your goal to work through a given issue and arrive at a better place? Or is it to simply prove your spouse wrong? If you find yourself always trying to prove your spouse wrong, perhaps you need to remember that at one point in time, they chose you to be their life partner. Was that really their last right decision? Or did the bad choices start there? Ouch!
The reality is that sometimes a couple can be in an argument where there is no “wrong”. Both partners can see a situation from a very different perspective, both of which are valuable. Time spent trying to understand each other is far more constructive than time spent trying to persuade each other. If both perspectives could be incorporated, it really could take the couple to a better place. Theoretically, it could even be done at a lower decibel level with less repetition.