For many, the start of a new year begins with resolutions for change in their lives. It could be exercising more, drinking less, getting more sleep or striving to be more organized. All of these intentions may be great, but studies show that many (most?) resolutions are abandoned before the second quarter of the year. Why is that? It’s because self-imposed behavior modification in itself is doomed to failure. If all we do is “try” to accomplish these goals, we will typically fall short. Be it lack of self-discipline, or short attention spans our resolutions usually fail to be realized.
There is a way around this though. I heard in a recent, powerful sermon that behaviors follow beliefs. If we focus on our beliefs, the associated behaviors will follow. As an example, if you believe that being fit and healthy will lead to a longer and more enjoyable lifestyle, then you are more likely to follow that new diet or exercise regime. There is a fundamental reason to implement those changes.
Marriage is no different. You can make resolutions to have more date nights, more frequent sex, improve communication or even be more empathetic, but if you stop at just making these goals, you will probably fall short. If on the other hand you refocus your thoughts and priorities you can modify or enhance your beliefs. Acknowledge that your spouse is the most important relationship that you have. It is an asset in your life. You should do everything within your power to protect and grow that asset. Believing this will lead you to pursue the types of goals and behaviors that will allow this to happen.
Pray that God will help you to see and value your spouse as He does. Pray that you can give them the grace that He provides. Pray that your love for them will grow in the coming year. God loves these prayers. He will answer them and you will see your relationship grow. Self-prescribed resolutions will become natural expressions of your love. And that will give you a new marriage perspective!