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There is no “normal” marriage

Since joining the Christian Marriage Bloggers Association CMBA, I have started reading a lot more blogs on marriage.  The diversity of perspectives that fall under this umbrella is amazing to me.  What one couple promotes as healthy and enticing, another will personally condemn within their own relationship.  Oddly enough, we’re all operating under the same “users manual” (the Bible), but it is interpreted and incorporated in a wide spectrum of specific beliefs and practices.

It’s funny how egocentric we naturally are.  We develop a marriage that works for us and we label that as normal.  All other marriages are measured (in our minds) by how far they deviate from our definition of normalcy.  Those couples we meet that are very similar to ourselves are perceived to be in a solid relationship.  Those that hold to different practices may find their way onto our prayer lists.

God didn’t make any two people identical.  If you were to somehow map out all of our individual physical, mental and spiritual characteristics and show the possible number of combinations you would achieve by bringing any couple together, the numbers would be astronomical.  And in my mind, that’s a beautiful thing.

My goal as a marriage blogger should never be to suggest the “right” way to do something.  What works for my wife and I might never work for another couple that is wired very differently.  Having said that, I think there is beauty and power in sharing perspectives and practices.  While no other couple is exactly like us, the situations they find themselves facing may be very similar.  If others can benefit from our transparency and from our approaches then that is a blessing.

God never intended for us to try to figure life out on our own.  He gave us his Word for direction and expects us to live in community to support one another.  A generation ago, community was limited to the people that we personally came in contact with.  Now through the use of technology, community has spread to people that we respect and learn from, but may never meet personally.  It seems that no matter what issue you are facing in your marriage, there are Godly couples online that have faced the same thing.

So, I will keep blogging.  Not with the intent of converting people to my exact way of marriage but rather to share life experiences and perspectives with those that can benefit.  And I will keep reading other’s blogs, realizing that I don’t have all the answers and I can benefit from those things that other couples do well.

3 thoughts on “There is no “normal” marriage”

  1. I’ve never kept a blog, nor do I have plans to keep one; It’s just not my style. But I want applaud you for the message you present in this entry. I too follow a number of blogs on marriage and more specifically on marriage counseling (i.e., tips for happy marriages) and have been overwhelmed by the number of differences in approaches within Christian families. Married for 8 years, my wife and I have stumbled upon some troubles in the last few years. Nothing that would tear us apart, but enough that we deemed it necessary to seek counseling. At first, we sought assistance from the priest at our local church (the same one who married us and baptized our two children) for or troubles. But after a few sessions, my wife and I felt that we needed to seek professional counseling. You would think that most of our friends from church would understand our choice, given that after a few weeks with our priest we hadn’t made much progress, but they questioned our need to go outside of the church as though we had chosen to give up on our marriage entirely. Our faith in God never wavered, but subscribed to the possibility that each person and infinitely each marriage contains its own set of differences and nuances that require different types of help. We’re doing fine in counseling now. We’ve decreased the number of meetings needed per month and we’re as happy as we were when we were newlyweds. I hope that others will understand the message you’re presenting, then perhaps we could be more supportive of one another’s

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